On Badonabirus and other such nonsense

Posted: March 25, 2020, 10:08 p.m.
Just chill and let things happen as they must.

This whole Coronavirus... oh, wait, sorry, this just in... Novel Coronavirus (so don't even bother looking in the non-fiction section, Citizen!)... sorry, not scary enough, ok, how about (clears throat in authoritative way, takes sip of water...) COVID-19! That scare the pants off ya' or what! We paid our Madison Ave. geniuses a cool billion for that one.

It do be like that. It really do.

I call it da Badonabirus. Da Badonabirus doesn't scare me nearly as much as so-called health care experts telling people to stay off the beach. Unless sunlight, fresh air, the relaxing sound of waves washing in and out, and salt water have suddenly become unhealthy, I'm just gonna call a big, fat


on that. And even if those things have become unhealthy, I say bring death on. Who wants to live in a world where an afternoon of sand, surf and sun is some kind of misdemeanor, let alone a felony punishable by being hauled off to a FEMA camp or some dumb fascist boner boinger like that.

I mean, seriously, sunlight kills any virus dead. Even Mighty Malaria (OK, technically a parasite, not a virus -- so many pathogens in the world! Just hide under your bed until you die. That will make you safe!) which kills millions every single year has to take cover under mosquitoes. Malaria dies in an instant in sunlight. There's a reason (more than one) that cold and flu season happens during the wintertime.

Stale air is no good either. If you are paranoid and must stay inside, please be prudent and crack the windows.

Ugh... don't even get me started on the numbers. It makes me want to cry that people are so ignorant of math that they think this Badonabirus Bobid mineteen fake-ass pandemic is something real... ugh ugh ugh. If people are truly so stupid as to think... forget it, I don't even want to go there.

Anyhoo, it's all gonna be OK. It has no choice in the matter. The math is settled.

The most important symbol in mathematics is "=". Without that, you got nothin'. Oh, wait, you got nothin' with that. In fact, that's the whole point of that. Equalization means zeroing everything out. What's on one side of that "=" is exactly the same as what's on the other. If you're a computer, you might be dumb enough to need more than one "=" because you can't infer or do anything other than exactly what you're told, but most natural intelligences will get my drift here.

It will all balance out. That's all I'm saying. Even the worst-case scenario can't be much worse than 28 vets offing themselves every single day, 328 people overdosing on drugs every single day and countless other deaths of desperation that arose out of the old system.

Sorry, did I say "the old system?"

Why, yes... yes, I did. That world is dead. Didn't you get the memo?

Like I said, don't worry. Change the channel or, better yet, turn off the box.